Releases
by Dragonflys-Girl
Summary: His soothing only prompts more tears to fall, and for the first time in my adult life, I cry openly in front of another person. [KateTony]


Title: Releases  
  
Author: Claudia J. Chan (Claudie)  
  
Genre: angst  
  
Archive: Well.... I have my website () or fanfiction.net ()  
  
Spoiler Alert: Bête Noire  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own the characters, but I'd like to consider this plot my own little imagination... *grin*  
  
A/N: My first Kate / Tony. Be gentle.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sometimes I wonder how many times you can mess up in a job before you get fired. I mean, I've certainly done my shares of stupid things at NCIS. Not to mention small, idiotic mistakes, Gibbs was hurt twice because of me, and because of my attachment to Suzanne McNeil.  
  
"You're not going to jump off the building, are you, Kate?"  
  
Damn, that teasing voice again. How does he know where to find me? I was told before that not many people use the rooftop of this building as a hideout. Apparently I was misinformed.  
  
"I want to be alone right now, Tony," I say curtly, hoping he'll get the message.  
  
"Too bad, you gotta share," he sits down beside me, blatantly disregarding what I said.  
  
I don't want to have another conversation with Tony just yet – I can't have another one with him so soon. I'm still shaken form the last conversation we had in the office. I can't face another one. Not now. Maybe not ever.  
  
"Why are you here, Tony?"  
  
"Why are you here?" he asks in response.  
  
"How many times do you think I can mess up before getting fired?" I voice my earlier thought to him.  
  
He remains quiet for a moment, and then says, "You didn't mess up."  
  
"Who are you kidding here, Tony?"  
  
"Why are you blaming yourself, Kate? You couldn't have done anything else."  
  
"I could have killed him when I could," I finally said it out loud. "I could have stabbed him when he was close enough. Gerald would be sent to a hospital earlier. Gibbs wouldn't be shot. Nobody else would have gotten hurt."  
  
My head feels too heavy for me to hold up, so I rest it on my arms in my laps. I can't help it, but a tear slips through, then another, then another.  
  
I feel Tony's arms around me, enveloping me in a hug. His hand rubs my back gently while he murmurs soft comforting words to me.  
  
His soothing only prompts more tears to fall, and for the first time in my adult life, I cry openly in front of another person.  
  
He continues to hold me, rocking me gently when I cry my heart out, releasing the tension, anxiety and hurt inside of myself.  
  
"Feeling better?" he asks gently when I finally quiet down.  
  
I nod, knowing my voice is too raspy to talk. He takes some tissues and proceeds to wipe away the tears that are still on my face. His tenderness surprises me. I have always known beneath that flirtatious appearance there is a tender lover, but never in a million years did I think the affection would be directed at me.  
  
"Thank you," I murmur, suddenly shy in front of him. Sure I was the one who said we have a relationship like that of brothers and sisters, but that doesn't mean I am not attracted to the man. God knows I am.  
  
I chance to look into his eyes and am mesmerized by the depth I see in there. I am lost in his gaze and can't bring myself to look away.  
  
This is a side of Tony I've never seen, the Tony beneath the playful exterior. I can't help but blush, my heart racing. His face is inching closer to mine, and I can feel his breath on my cheek. My eyes dart toward his lips, full and inviting, and back to his eyes.  
  
Suddenly, the scenes from autopsy crash down on me, drawing me coldly back to reality. I jerk back, my eyes wide. That was too real, too close to what almost happened earlier today.  
  
I can see the hurt in his eyes, and my heart constricts painfully, "I'm sorry," I shake my head and keep on murmuring, hoping he will understand.  
  
"Why ... " he starts, but can't finish the sentence. He doesn't need to. I know what he's trying to ask.  
  
"It was like in the autopsy, like when he pulled me close to him. I'm sorry," I hurriedly explain as tears threaten to fall again.  
  
He hasn't removed his arms around me, which I take as a good sign, but he remains silent. He still hasn't said anything but he keeps on staring into the night sky.  
  
"Do you know what went through my mind today when I heard what happened?"  
  
I shake my head, intrigued by what he has to say.  
  
"I was asking myself why I didn't tell you that maybe, just maybe, I don't want to be only your brother, that I would like to explore something more."  
  
I can't contain the gasp that escape. I pull back a little to look in his eyes, and see that he seems to be lost in thought.  
  
Without prompting, he continues, "I didn't know what else to think. I kept thinking, 'At least give me a chance to see if it'll work.'"  
  
I know how much it takes for him to reveal such personal thoughts to me. He is much braver than I am.  
  
He must have been waiting for a response from me, because when I stay silent after his revelation, he starts to pull away from me. Without thinking, just wanting to keep him close, I kiss him, very softly and gently, a graze across his lips.  
  
"Kate?" he voice is breathy now, very different from the confident way he generally speaks.  
  
"I want to see what will happen too," I murmur, softly. "I want to see where this will lead us."  
  
"Are you sure?" I can see the happiness and excitement in his eyes and I nod. "Good. That's a deal."  
  
Leaning in, not as closely this time, he seal the deal with a toe-curling kiss. 


End file.
